Mommy Beerest

I have had it with this week. Work is such a train wreck right now. My boss finally had her baby boy (Peter) and when I called to congratulate her, we of course started talking about work and I started complaing about Bad Beth, who overheard most of the conversation. So we got into a huge fight and she grabbed the phone from me, and our boss started yelling at both of us on speaker, begging us to stop stressing her out before slamming the phone down. Apparently, she needs to be on some painkillers or something!

Then me and Beth got hauled into a meeting yesterday about our performance. We got the “we’re all on the same team” speech. Except that Beth’s on Team Fuckup and I’m on Team Death-for-Beth.

On top of that, every other woman on the planet is pissed at me, too. I think there’s crazy stuff going on in the cosmos? If Men are from Mars, Venus must be on its period right now.

Last Saturday afternoon, Karen and I had plans to go see Spiderman 3, but I slept all day and my phone was dead, so by the time I finally did wake up, she was half way to Santa barbara to have dinner with her mom without me. She was pretty upset, but as you can imagine, I was furious. She knows I’ve been working my ass off and she won’t even cut me a little bit of slack. She could have swung by and woken me up or called my house phone. I just don't get her sometimes.

Anyway, Zack and Tiff tried to cheer me up at Dimples, but the combination of exhaustion and booze made for a bad night’s sleep then, too. I spent most of Sunday in and out of consciousness until Wayne happened by with some leftovers for his drunk neighbor. He had made dinner for his mom. . .and that’s when I remembered to call mine, at like 10PM her time. When I did finally call, she was about to turn in and was ice cold to me. I can’t fucking catch a break this week.

I tried to explain that I’ve been sick and tired from work, but she didn’t really seem to care. She just gave me that mom-guilt that I hate so much.

Beth and I are barely on speaking terms and Karen will only text me back when I call her. She says she’s fine, but just really busy. But if I have time to call her, she has time to call me. Whatever. . .She’ll get over it soon enough.

For now, it’s back to the grind.

Peppermint Potty

I am so, so tired of working. The people I work with are idiots. And I have a question? How can they possibly be doing their work when all they fucking do is complain?

I need a new job, I think. I worked till almost 8 the other night, and Zack nearly killed me when I got off, because we were supposed to have dinner.

He already ate, so I just kind of had a liquid lunch for dinner, if you catch my drift. As a result, I spent much of yesterday fielding calls from my new satellite office-in the bathroom. It wasn't pleasant...but the mere presence of Beth in the office was enough to push my hangover to epic proportions, so it was best for me to be in the one place she couldn't find me. I told her I had eaten something that disagreed with me, so she spent what little time I wasn't in the vomitorium trying to give me peppermints to settle my stomach. Of course, since her voice makes me want to wretch, she did more harm than good.

Last night, I passed out early (after some 2buckchuck!) and today i've been moving pretty slowly.

Might go see Spidey 3 this weekend with karkar. Otherwise, I'm planning on laying low. Work this week has been such a bitch, all I want to do is sleep.

Bad Beth & Beyond

This week has been pretty low key so far, aside from the fact that the divider between Hollywood and the Valley is on fire. Karen and I hung out last night, nothing big. Just chilled and had some two buck chuck! It took me forever to get home because everyone was staring at the fire. What a fucking pain in the ass! Like Wayne says, “If you want real flames, go to West Hollywood!”

Of course, Bad Beth used it as an excuse to be late this morning. Yesterday, she used her cat because he was “acting weird.” Isn’t that what cats do anyway? Then she brings the thing into the office and it just wails all day long so she has to take an extra long lunch to bring the beast home. I swear, if our boss was here, Beth would be so fired.

Our department had a meeting at 8:30 this morning, and she didn’t even show up till 9:15, blaming the smoke from the fire. HEY, DUMBASS! Maybe it was the fact that you stopped by KRISPY KREEM for donuts on your way in, you hog.

I refused to eat one during the meeting just out of spite to her. But then I decided that she’d just get to eat the leftovers, so I had one at lunch and just ate another one hahha.

Meanwhile, our boss still hasn’t squirted a kid out. At this rate, Beth will find herself a man and have a kid before our boss does!

Ahh, who am I kidding. . .

Tonight, Karen’s got a late meeting and Tiff’s got something going on. . .so it’s just me and Z! We’ll probably just hang at his place and order some pizza.

Drinko De Mayo!

I took off early on Friday to get a jumpstart on the weekend, leaving Bad Beth to suffer here alone. She actually had to stop filing her nails and start filing paperwork for the first time since our boss left.

Anyway, Zack got the brilliant idea to go and celebrate Cinquo de Mayo in TJ!!! We drove down to San Diego Friday night and hung out in PB. We met these awesome girls, but it’s too bad we’re both off the market lol!

Tiff and Karen joined us on Saturday afternoon as we sat by the pool at the hotel. Karen decided to drive separately from Tiff (She was probably scared for her life! Tiff’s kind of a wild gal, even when she’s driving! Lol!) so she arrived just before we headed South Of The Border!

TJ isn’t the greatest area, but I LOVE it. It’s got so much character. It reminds me of what I think America was probably like when it was poor, like during the depression. Karkar had never been there, so we had to kind of talk her off the ledge. She refused to eat any of the food there, but once we got a few shots of tequila down her throat, she pretty much shut up about it.

Tiff was just as out of control as always, and if I could remember half of what she did, it’d be a miracle. I’m pretty sure she didn’t have to pay for any of her drinks all night, though!

We came back to the hotel totally loaded and loud, and we got yelled at . .but we had a blast anyway. Tiff flashed the dude and he left us alone. She wanted to go skinny dipping, but Karen was convinced us that the cops were gonna come, so she killed our buzz.

Sunday was hard to wake up, Karen drove me home, and Zack & Tiff stayed down an extra night. We went out to El Compadre for dinner and flaming margaritas (well, SHE went for dinner and I went for the margarita!) Drinking on a hangover: Nasty.

And now it’s back to the grind with Beth, who Tiff calls “Queen Elizabeth the Whorth” (rhymes with 4th). Today, she’s complaining about how she feels fat. Meanwhile, she tells me she ate her weight in Mexican food this weekend and wonders why she can’t even squeeze her swollen feet into her shoes anymore.

Oh well, back to work. Lunch at my desk: What a great way to dine!

April Scowlers

Last week was a total disasterous nightmare of epic proportions.

First of all, I’m pulling double-duty with my boss gone squeezing a kid out. So now my other co-worker Beth and I are stretched so thin, you can practically see through us. (Well, you can see through me anyway. Beth is too thick to see through—and moves at the pace of a snail’s ass.) I’ve been here till like seven most nights last week and they’re not even paying us any more to do this extra work. I’d complain to HR, but then I’d just have to file more paperwork. I'm totally miserable. That kid better come out soon or I'm gonna reach in there and get the little brat myself.

I barely have time to blink let alone drink (although I have been making time for it!) In fact, Dwayne and Wayne turned me onto two buck chuck at the Trader Joe’s. Cheap wine for me to drink after a long, hard day of work. Not a bad way to go.

This weekend was a blast….me and Karen went to Zack’s place for a little BBQ. It was great to blow off some steam with those guys. Zack’s friends are nuts. And Tiff made up a new liver disease: Toxic Shot Syndrome! She says it’s when you drink so much you throw up blood. LOL!

I swear. . .I never know what she’ll say next!

To Our Friend: Mary Wanna

Dudes!

Happy 420 to all my bros!

I've been so crazy at work this week, I haven't even had to blink. My boss is gone for a while while she pops a kid out, so myself and another co-worker have been charged with filling her shoes. I got the GIANT shoe, i think. All Beth does is fuckin eat tic tacs and complain about how shitty her haircut is.

NEWSFLASH: SHUT UP!

I've been workin my ass off all week and I swear, I don't even think she's even checked her voicemail, she's too busy bitching.

Anyway, I've been so bushed when i get home, I just pop a beer and hit the sack. I haven't seen anyone this week and I miss you guys! Even the old ball & chain! haha!

But tonight's the night we've been waiting for! 4/20! We're gonna have a friggin blast. And MAN do i need it after the week I've had!

MOLLY MALONES, HERE WE COME! Right after we visit Mary Jane! HA! lok at that--it's almost exactly 4:20 on 3/20! LOL!

Weekend at Blarney's

I was finalloy well enough to go to work on Friday, but I still wasn't 100%, so I just took it easy and went home pretty early. My boss is going out on leave this week, so I had to get a ton of stuff done for her before she pops her kid.

We didn't get everything done, so I went home and zonked out on Friday (after another vodka-ale) and on Saturday, I had to drive all the way to Woodland fuckin Hills to meet with Pat to finish the hand-off. She's only going to be gone a month, but me and my coworker need to step up and help guide things while she's gone. So we had to finish going over everything and Zack said he knows some bar up there, so we all car-pooled and I dropped them off at Blarney's Cove.

The place looked awesome from the outside, so I was anxious to get my shit done with Pat. It only took two hours to finish. My boss is cool, but kind of a control freak, so she had to explain everything to me fifteen times, like I'm some kind of idiot. I mean, i've worked for her forever, she knows she can trust me. But she still freaks out. I think she's just worried about becoming a mom....but she'll be a good one. Lots of nagging! lol!

Anywya, after my meeting, I met up with Karen, Zack & Tiff at the Blarney cove. By thte time i got there, Tiff was already drunk as hell and Zack was right behind her. Me and Karen were the only two sober ones in the place, i think! IT was a total british pub theme....really cool. It made me feel like an old brit! I kept smacking zack on his head like I was benny hill, and Tiff kept shoving her boobs at the bartender shouting, "KISS MY BLARNEY COVES!" lol!