Mommy Beerest

I have had it with this week. Work is such a train wreck right now. My boss finally had her baby boy (Peter) and when I called to congratulate her, we of course started talking about work and I started complaing about Bad Beth, who overheard most of the conversation. So we got into a huge fight and she grabbed the phone from me, and our boss started yelling at both of us on speaker, begging us to stop stressing her out before slamming the phone down. Apparently, she needs to be on some painkillers or something!

Then me and Beth got hauled into a meeting yesterday about our performance. We got the “we’re all on the same team” speech. Except that Beth’s on Team Fuckup and I’m on Team Death-for-Beth.

On top of that, every other woman on the planet is pissed at me, too. I think there’s crazy stuff going on in the cosmos? If Men are from Mars, Venus must be on its period right now.

Last Saturday afternoon, Karen and I had plans to go see Spiderman 3, but I slept all day and my phone was dead, so by the time I finally did wake up, she was half way to Santa barbara to have dinner with her mom without me. She was pretty upset, but as you can imagine, I was furious. She knows I’ve been working my ass off and she won’t even cut me a little bit of slack. She could have swung by and woken me up or called my house phone. I just don't get her sometimes.

Anyway, Zack and Tiff tried to cheer me up at Dimples, but the combination of exhaustion and booze made for a bad night’s sleep then, too. I spent most of Sunday in and out of consciousness until Wayne happened by with some leftovers for his drunk neighbor. He had made dinner for his mom. . .and that’s when I remembered to call mine, at like 10PM her time. When I did finally call, she was about to turn in and was ice cold to me. I can’t fucking catch a break this week.

I tried to explain that I’ve been sick and tired from work, but she didn’t really seem to care. She just gave me that mom-guilt that I hate so much.

Beth and I are barely on speaking terms and Karen will only text me back when I call her. She says she’s fine, but just really busy. But if I have time to call her, she has time to call me. Whatever. . .She’ll get over it soon enough.

For now, it’s back to the grind.

Peppermint Potty

I am so, so tired of working. The people I work with are idiots. And I have a question? How can they possibly be doing their work when all they fucking do is complain?

I need a new job, I think. I worked till almost 8 the other night, and Zack nearly killed me when I got off, because we were supposed to have dinner.

He already ate, so I just kind of had a liquid lunch for dinner, if you catch my drift. As a result, I spent much of yesterday fielding calls from my new satellite office-in the bathroom. It wasn't pleasant...but the mere presence of Beth in the office was enough to push my hangover to epic proportions, so it was best for me to be in the one place she couldn't find me. I told her I had eaten something that disagreed with me, so she spent what little time I wasn't in the vomitorium trying to give me peppermints to settle my stomach. Of course, since her voice makes me want to wretch, she did more harm than good.

Last night, I passed out early (after some 2buckchuck!) and today i've been moving pretty slowly.

Might go see Spidey 3 this weekend with karkar. Otherwise, I'm planning on laying low. Work this week has been such a bitch, all I want to do is sleep.

Bad Beth & Beyond

This week has been pretty low key so far, aside from the fact that the divider between Hollywood and the Valley is on fire. Karen and I hung out last night, nothing big. Just chilled and had some two buck chuck! It took me forever to get home because everyone was staring at the fire. What a fucking pain in the ass! Like Wayne says, “If you want real flames, go to West Hollywood!”

Of course, Bad Beth used it as an excuse to be late this morning. Yesterday, she used her cat because he was “acting weird.” Isn’t that what cats do anyway? Then she brings the thing into the office and it just wails all day long so she has to take an extra long lunch to bring the beast home. I swear, if our boss was here, Beth would be so fired.

Our department had a meeting at 8:30 this morning, and she didn’t even show up till 9:15, blaming the smoke from the fire. HEY, DUMBASS! Maybe it was the fact that you stopped by KRISPY KREEM for donuts on your way in, you hog.

I refused to eat one during the meeting just out of spite to her. But then I decided that she’d just get to eat the leftovers, so I had one at lunch and just ate another one hahha.

Meanwhile, our boss still hasn’t squirted a kid out. At this rate, Beth will find herself a man and have a kid before our boss does!

Ahh, who am I kidding. . .

Tonight, Karen’s got a late meeting and Tiff’s got something going on. . .so it’s just me and Z! We’ll probably just hang at his place and order some pizza.

Drinko De Mayo!

I took off early on Friday to get a jumpstart on the weekend, leaving Bad Beth to suffer here alone. She actually had to stop filing her nails and start filing paperwork for the first time since our boss left.

Anyway, Zack got the brilliant idea to go and celebrate Cinquo de Mayo in TJ!!! We drove down to San Diego Friday night and hung out in PB. We met these awesome girls, but it’s too bad we’re both off the market lol!

Tiff and Karen joined us on Saturday afternoon as we sat by the pool at the hotel. Karen decided to drive separately from Tiff (She was probably scared for her life! Tiff’s kind of a wild gal, even when she’s driving! Lol!) so she arrived just before we headed South Of The Border!

TJ isn’t the greatest area, but I LOVE it. It’s got so much character. It reminds me of what I think America was probably like when it was poor, like during the depression. Karkar had never been there, so we had to kind of talk her off the ledge. She refused to eat any of the food there, but once we got a few shots of tequila down her throat, she pretty much shut up about it.

Tiff was just as out of control as always, and if I could remember half of what she did, it’d be a miracle. I’m pretty sure she didn’t have to pay for any of her drinks all night, though!

We came back to the hotel totally loaded and loud, and we got yelled at . .but we had a blast anyway. Tiff flashed the dude and he left us alone. She wanted to go skinny dipping, but Karen was convinced us that the cops were gonna come, so she killed our buzz.

Sunday was hard to wake up, Karen drove me home, and Zack & Tiff stayed down an extra night. We went out to El Compadre for dinner and flaming margaritas (well, SHE went for dinner and I went for the margarita!) Drinking on a hangover: Nasty.

And now it’s back to the grind with Beth, who Tiff calls “Queen Elizabeth the Whorth” (rhymes with 4th). Today, she’s complaining about how she feels fat. Meanwhile, she tells me she ate her weight in Mexican food this weekend and wonders why she can’t even squeeze her swollen feet into her shoes anymore.

Oh well, back to work. Lunch at my desk: What a great way to dine!

April Scowlers

Last week was a total disasterous nightmare of epic proportions.

First of all, I’m pulling double-duty with my boss gone squeezing a kid out. So now my other co-worker Beth and I are stretched so thin, you can practically see through us. (Well, you can see through me anyway. Beth is too thick to see through—and moves at the pace of a snail’s ass.) I’ve been here till like seven most nights last week and they’re not even paying us any more to do this extra work. I’d complain to HR, but then I’d just have to file more paperwork. I'm totally miserable. That kid better come out soon or I'm gonna reach in there and get the little brat myself.

I barely have time to blink let alone drink (although I have been making time for it!) In fact, Dwayne and Wayne turned me onto two buck chuck at the Trader Joe’s. Cheap wine for me to drink after a long, hard day of work. Not a bad way to go.

This weekend was a blast….me and Karen went to Zack’s place for a little BBQ. It was great to blow off some steam with those guys. Zack’s friends are nuts. And Tiff made up a new liver disease: Toxic Shot Syndrome! She says it’s when you drink so much you throw up blood. LOL!

I swear. . .I never know what she’ll say next!

To Our Friend: Mary Wanna

Dudes!

Happy 420 to all my bros!

I've been so crazy at work this week, I haven't even had to blink. My boss is gone for a while while she pops a kid out, so myself and another co-worker have been charged with filling her shoes. I got the GIANT shoe, i think. All Beth does is fuckin eat tic tacs and complain about how shitty her haircut is.

NEWSFLASH: SHUT UP!

I've been workin my ass off all week and I swear, I don't even think she's even checked her voicemail, she's too busy bitching.

Anyway, I've been so bushed when i get home, I just pop a beer and hit the sack. I haven't seen anyone this week and I miss you guys! Even the old ball & chain! haha!

But tonight's the night we've been waiting for! 4/20! We're gonna have a friggin blast. And MAN do i need it after the week I've had!

MOLLY MALONES, HERE WE COME! Right after we visit Mary Jane! HA! lok at that--it's almost exactly 4:20 on 3/20! LOL!

Weekend at Blarney's

I was finalloy well enough to go to work on Friday, but I still wasn't 100%, so I just took it easy and went home pretty early. My boss is going out on leave this week, so I had to get a ton of stuff done for her before she pops her kid.

We didn't get everything done, so I went home and zonked out on Friday (after another vodka-ale) and on Saturday, I had to drive all the way to Woodland fuckin Hills to meet with Pat to finish the hand-off. She's only going to be gone a month, but me and my coworker need to step up and help guide things while she's gone. So we had to finish going over everything and Zack said he knows some bar up there, so we all car-pooled and I dropped them off at Blarney's Cove.

The place looked awesome from the outside, so I was anxious to get my shit done with Pat. It only took two hours to finish. My boss is cool, but kind of a control freak, so she had to explain everything to me fifteen times, like I'm some kind of idiot. I mean, i've worked for her forever, she knows she can trust me. But she still freaks out. I think she's just worried about becoming a mom....but she'll be a good one. Lots of nagging! lol!

Anywya, after my meeting, I met up with Karen, Zack & Tiff at the Blarney cove. By thte time i got there, Tiff was already drunk as hell and Zack was right behind her. Me and Karen were the only two sober ones in the place, i think! IT was a total british pub theme....really cool. It made me feel like an old brit! I kept smacking zack on his head like I was benny hill, and Tiff kept shoving her boobs at the bartender shouting, "KISS MY BLARNEY COVES!" lol!

Shits & Giggles

Dudes,

It's like this week has been raining shit. And i have a diarreah umbrella. Actually, my stomach's been bugging me all week and i've been hauling ass (so to speak) to the bathroom like once an hour. I don't wanna be too gross, but it's been a tough few days.

Wayne dropped by last night with some soup (Thanks Bro!). I don't know what's wrong with me, but today's the first day i can be out of bed without wanting to die.

On top of it all, my boss is out of maternity leave starting this week, and I was supposed to do a bunch of shit for her, so i'm probably going to wind up having to go in this weekend if I feel up to it.

SUCKs.

It all started Monday night, when me, Tiff, Zack and Kar went out to dinner. I think i had some bad pasta primavera. Zack called it pasta primavomit when it arrived--i should have known somethin was up! I think he cursed me! He had it too and has been down all week. Tiff dropped him off at my place yesterday and all day we just layed around on the sofas watching shitty movies on tv.

Between Tiff & her computer virus and Zack and his real virus...I'm starting to think i should keep away!

But never fear, bros and broettes! Zack had the great idea of adding some vodka to the ginger ale we've been using to help settle our stomachs. Just a little shot to keep my goals in check. It's weird being sick with a buzz...it really didn't help my case at all, but at least i'm still on track, ya know?

Karen's coming over to check on me and bring me some lunch in a few. Isn't she just the best??

Easter Eggselence!

Zack and Tiff had a little Easter Gathering yesterday--complete with egg dying! It was totally fun. For every egg we messed up, Tiff made us do a shot. I think I had about fifty of them! lol! Afterwards, we all went over to Karen's and hid the eggs. When she got home, we made her find them all. Her roommate eventually had to help her. lol...it was hilarious.

We were all going to see Grindhouse, but Tiff and Zack kind of got into a weird fight, so me and Karen just chilled at her place.

Today, my buddy at work finally gave me my laptop back--he assures me it is Tiff Virus Free!

Thank our risen god! hahah!

Passover...the Manni!

Last night, Dwayne & Wayne hosted a small Passover meal--complete with lots of mannischevitz (SP?). Karen's half Jewish so she lead me through most of the hard parts...and the food was soooo good. But there was WAY too much of it. Wayne really outdid himself this time!

This morning, my car wouldn't start for some damned reason. I told Karen that it's one of the 21st century plagues--along with the Tiff Virus! lol! Anyway, i got to work late and now i'm workin a little passed the bell because the office is closing down early for easter.

God bless us, every one!

Jack of All Blades of Glory

Last night, me and Kar went with Zack to see Blades of Glory. Tiff had to work late, which sucks bcause she would have died watching this with us. Will Farrell is so funny, i couldn't even breathe through most of it! He can do it all! He was always so good on SNL, but i really think he has found his calling with this movie! Napoleon Dynomite was funny, too, but will definitely stole the show.

Afterwards, we all met Tiff at Cat & Fiddle and I had some jacks & cokes. I'm not sure how she did it, but Tiff somehow got Karen to drink a little with us! It was cool because she's usually on teh straight & arrow, but she definitley was feeling good last night.

Work's been slow this week...i'm totally caught up and now just chillin here waiting for the 5 oclock bell to ring! lol!

March Sadness/April Drools

Over the weekend, me and Karen went over to Q's in Santa Monica with Zack, Tiff & Seth to watch the bruins get their asses fucking handed to them.

Man, it was a sad end to a great season, and the four of us drank our sorrows away (Thank God Karen was DD, right??) Even Tiff's one-liners couldn't make us laugh on Saturday. It really sucked--so disappointing.

On Sunday, Karen drove us up the PCH to have dinner with her friends Matt & Lisa. Karen's great and all, but her college friends are nothing like mine! It's funny to see people like Karen--just all calm and polite. I think Matt secretly is cool, though...he seemed to loosen up after I bought him a couple of shots out of eye-shot of the ladies. hahha!

Yesterday, we had off, so I just kind of lounged around the house and caught up on Tivo. My computer at home is still jacked from the Tiff Virus, so one of my buds at work is looking it over this week.

Sweet!

TGIF - Thank God it's Fried-Day!

Thank heavens this week is OVER. It has been so long and so tedious. I've been having massive computer problems all week--both at home and at work! I swear, technology hates me! And to top it all off, I'm pretty sure Karen got me sick. So, I cancelled dinner with her last night because I'm totally wiped out. If I can concetrate enough on work, I'm going to try and leave early.

Nothing but sweet dreams and (small) sweet drinks this weekend for me!


Cheers!

Hell (or my Computer) Froze Over

Yesterday was a tough day! Almost as soon as I got to work, my computer froze and was down all morning and most of the afternoon! It couldn't have picked a worst time, since I had seven meetings scheduled!

The tech guy says it is a virus--they're pretty sure that I opened something weird. I think it was an e mail that I thought Tiff sent me. cuz her computer went down last week. Thanks a LOT, tiff!! lol!

I left the office early yesterday because I couldn't get anything done...and met up with Mister Zack at the Cat & Fiddle. It's weird drinking outside on a weekday, but I can definitely get used to it!

We just had a couple of beers before Tiff joined us and started buying shots. (To make up for her shitty virus!) I was asleep by 10 last night. That's a good thing because I have to be at work early this morning to catch up on yesterday's bizz!

I guess I'm not allowed to open any more of Tiff's e-mails! lol!

All Temperature Beer!

Last night, I had nothing really going on, so Karen came by while I did laundry. A couple weeks ago, she got all mad about the cheap detergent I use because she says it makes my clothes smell like metal. I told her it's the old driers in my building, but she insisted on buying me a bottle of Cheer. She thinks they smell much better, but I don't really notice a difference. But hey, if she's going to be sniffing my clothes, I guess I should do what she says. LOL!

We watched our CBS shows while she folded the clothes. (Actually, i watched them, and she went on and on about how great my shirts smell now.) Even Dwayne stopped by to lend his support to Kar's cause. If I didn't know any better, I'd think they were trying to tell me something! LOL!

Monday Mourning

Back to work on another Monday. Last night, Karen and I wound up just watching TV at her place after she cooked. I had a glass of wine, but am kind of tired of drinking, believe it or not! LOL! I'd better pace myself--i got a LOT of time to go before I reach the end of this thing! hahhaha!

Plus, the end of the month is always my busiest time, getting all my paperwork filed is always a challenge--it's definitely the low point of my job! I'm gonna need some beer tonight, I can already feel it! Hmmm....Maybe i'll go easy on it NEXT week! hahah!

Cheers!

Straddle Ranch

This weekend has been amazing. Totally relaxing (and now fully recovered from Vegas!!) Friday was totally low key with Karen. Just went to dinner by her place and came back to my apt for some quality alone time. It was nice just to chill out.

Yesterday we lounged around by her pool and then Zack came up with the idea to do something TOTALLY cheesy: Saddle Ranch!

Hahha! it was actually really fun, believe it or not! After a couple of glasses of liquid courage, Zackattack braved the bull--for about 12 seconds! It was a riot! Then TIFF got up there! She started doing her cowboy routine, calling everybody "pardner" and then climbed up & held on for dear life--and did pretty good, but fell off after nearly a minute! I really thought she was goin all the way! They tried to get me and Karen to go up, but I know I'd look like an idiot up there! No, thanks! lol!

Today, we're just taking it easy. We were going to see a movie, but there's nothing out at all (and I'll be damned if I'm going to see the Last Mimzy, no matter how much Karen begs!) Although I wouldn't mind seeing the Ninja Turtle movie. The first ones were definitely fun!

Go BREW-ins!!!

Yesterday after work, I went over to Zack's place for a guy's night. Just some pizza and beer to watch UCLA kick the shit out of Pittsburgh! We're going all the way!!! YEEEAHH!

Tiff came by after the game to kick it with us. Man, she's having a tough time at work, but I can't help but laugh as she tells us the stories. She just KILLS me! Her impressions are dead on! Not that i've met her boss, but I can imagine!

She should totally quit do the stand-up comedy thing. She would KILL! There are so many open mic nights, she should totally just do it! I told her: It's just like kareoke, but with talking!

I should probably quit my job, too...Maybe I can be her agent! LOL!

Aww well, back to the grind!

Cheers!

Spring Lime for Hitler!

This week feels like it has been dragging on. I'm so exhausted, and I cannot wait to just chill OUT this weekend! Last night, I stopped by Dwayne & Wayne's place and relaxed with them for a bit & told them about Vegas. Wayne's in a cooking class and had these little lime chicken treats that he made. They were AWEsome! I brought over a bottle of white wine and some weird dip that Karen brought over last week. They had on the remake of The Producers. I can't believe that they actually made the original movie even funnier! Will Farrell is a genius. . .

But I was so tired that during the movie, I started to zonk out, so I just went home and crashed even before George Lopez was on! TGFT: Thank Goodness for Tivo! (I should put that on a t-shirt!)

Oh well, back to work!

Cheers!

It Ain't Easy Peein' Green

I'm still recovering from my weekend in Los Vegas (or as Zack calls it: Lost Wages!! lol!) I'm definitely still in a lot of pain! On Saturday night, we saw Dave Matthews perform...and man, did he go above and beyond expectations! He's still got it after all these years! Those songs totally remind me of being in college--all those new experiences. It just totally took me back to a great period in my life, you know? (It helps that I scored with Becky Seager to the Crash album! Every time I hear it, it's all i can think about! lol!)

Afterwards, we all went back to the Palms and found one of the bars had green beer, so we hung out there for a while before heading to Rain. Karen wasn't feeling so hot--i think the concert gave her a headache--so she went upstairs and we all went to the club.

Zack, Tiff and I partied hard at the club and went back to our room at like 4. I was trying to find a bottle of vodka we brought with us, and Karen was sleeping. LOL--then Tiff started making all these weird faces at Kar--gettin REAL close to her and being hilarious. I was trying to be quiet, but Karen woke up as we were all giggling. (Woops!!) She didn't know what was going on and pretty much went right back to sleep and we moved the party to Zack's room till dawn. By the time I got back, Karen was feeling better and went downstairs to gamble while i slept for a few hours till checkout.

It was a REALLY hard morning, but me and Zack tried our luck at craps...and that's exactly how i did! Zack was up about 200 before I even knew what was happening. I lost another 450 and stopped playing altogether. I wasn't thinking very clearly, and I wasn't having fun by then...so I just went with Karen to have lunch while Z&T continued their winning streak.

The flight home was looooooong...i think we were on the runway longer than we were in the air! I was So glad to be back home Sunday night, but I was definitely still drunk from the weekend, and woke up feeling really, really shitty on Monday. So after I woke up and yakked, i called outta work and slept most of the day.

I had about a half a beer monday night and i swear, i almost hurled again. I ate some toast and crashed out. What a waste of a day! Yesterday was a little bit better, but could barely finish my glass of wine at dinner last night. I'm definitely feeling better today, but, man, i was hurting.

Whatever. Dave Matthews is my GOD and it was totally worth it!

March Badness.

March Madness, Dave Matthews Band, Vegas. All coinciding with St. Patrick's Day. It's a PerfectStorm of booze.

As soon as we got into town on Friday night, the drinks started flowing. Tiff and Zack booked us into the Palms, so we went to our room, then right onto the casino floor. Karen won like forty bucks at the slots, and I lost a hundred on blackjack in about five minutes. Lucky for me, I had already started drinking and we didn't stop.

Tiff got it in her head to go see Thunder from Down Under--some australian stripper guys. She tried to get Karen to go with her, but karen wasn't even playing that game. lol!

The rest of Friday night was pretty much a blur. We took a cab to the strip and wound up at Coyote Ugly @ NYNY. It was fucking madness in there. Tiff had about two sips of her drink and wound up on the bar, dancing with the bartenders and pouring her drink into Zack's mouth. Before I knew it, her bra was hanging on this giant wall - of - bras! Tiff called it the Lace-y's Day Parade! LOL! Tiff tried to convince Kar to take off her bra--by pouring a drink down the front of her shirt! I swear!!! That girl! It's all pretty much a haze after that, except for Tiff harassing the little Mexican dudes handing out porn on the corners. I just remember her screaming "YOU WANNA SEE TITTIES" and then karen grabbed a cab and we went back to the Palms

On Saturday afternoon, we woke up a little groggy and after food, the girls hung out by the pool while Zack and I went and watched some March fucking Madness! Well...Zack watched. I just had my fucking heart ripped out. I lost $800 on the Vanderbilt Washington bullshit. Double OT--by four points. Broke my heart...and my wallet. But Zack won almost double that on his games, lucky fucker.

I was bummed, but I forgot it all as we got ready to go see Dave Fucking Matthews. I went up to the room and washed the stench of loss off me. Then Me and kar went to Zack & Tiff's room to get them...and Tiff was fucking around, jumping up and down on the bed. Of course, she's wasted and we're all a little lit and I'm cracking up--and she tumbles down off the bed while Zack's in the bathroom. HAHAHHAHAH....She said was fine because of her "airbags!!" I swear, she's such a maniac!!

We went to the show and Dave matthews fuckin ROCKED!! it was amazing.

FUCK! I just noticed what time it is. I gotta head out of the office soon, and I have an assload of shit to do (since i missed work yesterday. More on that later!) I promised Kar i'd meet her at the Promenade tonight for dinner in Santa MOn!


CHEERS!

Erin Go Barf

I've been drunk since 10PM friday night. It was fun up until about 4 this morning. I just crawled out of bed. I'm pretty sure i died at some point this weekend.

We had a definite plast in vegas....but i can't bear to think about it now.

I need to find some coffee...and NOT the irish kind. errrg.

Erin Go Barf

I've been drunk since 10PM friday night. It was fun up until about 4 this morning. I just crawled out of bed. I'm pretty sure i died at some point this weekend.

We had a definite plast in vegas....but i can't bear to think about it now.

I need to find some coffee...and NOT the irish kind. errrg.

TGIF - Tanked God It's Friday!

OK, I can't really keep a secret. Last night, while at dinner with Karen, I couldn't contain myself (must have been the Patrone!) and told her that I'm taking her to Vegas this weekend. She seems pretty excited, and although she's not a huge, huge fan of DMB, she knows enough of their songs to enjoy the show. I mean, he's such a great performer, I know she'll fall in love with him after tomorrow night!

Zack booked us rooms at The Palms and it is gonna be off the hook!

Now if I can just get through my day today, I'll be set for the weekend! I'm definitely overdid it this week. But what better way to celebrate St. Paddy's day, right???

Green beer all weekend!!!

Tripping Sillies

Oh man...Last night was rough. Kar made some pasta for us, and just as we were about to settle in and watch TV, Zack called. He somehow managed to convince me to meet him and Tiff at Amagi's for Karaoke to celebrate our trip to Vegas. Karen wanted nothing to do with it, but I went out for "just one drink," promising her a great time this weekend. (She still has no idea I'm taking her to Vegas!!)

Anyway, I met them there and they were already singing Summer Lovin'. Tiff was even doing a little dance up on the stage! I was ROFTL!

We had some rum & cokes and then Zack convinced me to go up and sing Tripping Billies with him to celebrate our Dave Matthews trip this weekend! We are SO pumped! And then Tiff got up on stage and started square dancing with me while Zack took lead. The crowd was loving it! hahhahah!

So this morning it was really hard to get up and out of bed. My head is STILL pounding. I called my boss and said my car wouldn't start...so I just showed up to work a little while ago, and I'm trying to catch up. I'm taking off early tomorrow to get ready for Vegas, Baby!!!

PS: I forgot to mention that I had a 40 with Dwayne the other night while he was over. LOL!

What Would You Say?

Yesterday I did a lot of thinking after Joe's whirlwind visit. Dwayne stopped by my place and noticed me being all mopey, and so he suggested I take a trip somewhere--maybe even surprise Karen with a romantic weekend somewhere in wine country.

While wine country isn't really my thang, I knew that Dwayne was right, so I did some research and hit the friggin JACKPOT: Dave Matthews Band is performing this weekend in Vegas! I fucking LOVE them and haven't seen them live in years. I called Zack instantly and he said he and Tiff are SO in. So...Karen's getting a surprise trip to Vegas this weekend with us to see DMB!!

I'm so PSYCHED! I'm off to book the flight now! Zack's in charge of the hotel. Watch out, Vegas!!! It's going to be CRAZY!

VEGAS, BABY!!!!

Cup of Joe

Yesterday afternoon, I got a call from my good friend Joe who lives on the East Coast. I've known him since college and let me tell you: This guy is crazy--he's always so last-minute and spontaneous. You just never know what he's gonna do next! If I didn't know better, I'd swear he was on something! hahha!

Anyway, he calls me at work yesterday to tell me he's in town just for just a few hours on his way to Hawaii! So me and Zack went out last night to a diner for dinner and coffee. When Zack told him about my little experiment here, Joe ran to the 711 next door and picked up some Bailey's for our coffee! LOL! Zack, keep your mouth shut, bro! Stop telling EVERYbody about the blog!

We were catching up on old times, like the time in school we ordered a dozen pizzas to our RA! Our whole floor ate for free that night because Joe went out and caused a scene so that EVERYONE knew there was pizza around, and shamed the RA into paying for it. LOL! Then there was the time he and our buddy Vito got in trouble for streaking in the quad! hahhahahah! Man, we did it all. It was so great to see him! I miss those carefree college days! Although Joe's really got the life. He travels whenever he wants, just breezes in and out of town. I remember he'd be gone from campus for days on end! I guess he's still the same old Joe! Haha--but then I got to thinking--with the amount I've been drinking lately, it's just like I'm back in school. Hope I don't blow my finals agan! LOL!

40 Winks

Last night, I was kind of wired for some reason (Probably because I slept all day long on Saturday! lol!) I was going to have a beer, but somebody drank all my MGD so I had to go pick up more.

While I was at the Ralph's, i noticed they had 40s!! So I just HAD to pick up a Miller High Life 40! I got a few for March Madness this week!

Even though I had 40 ounces of the High Life, i still couldn't get to sleep. I htink it was because of the time change. I'm wandering around the office like a zombie today. If one more person asks if I feel alright, I'm going to pistol-whip them! LOL!

I like being a thug wif my forty!

300 Bottles of Beer on the Wall

First of all, I owe the title to Miss Tiff. She's always so creative!

I spent most of yesterday napping until me and Kar went to see 300 with Zach & Tiff. Dude, that movie ROCKS! It looks SOOO amazing! We got tickets and hung out at the Good Luck bar until showtime, where Tiff made up that song to celebrate the movie. She had almost the whole bar singing! I swear, she's crazy!

I only had two beers but I think she drank about 300! LOL!

I bet today she's feeling like I did yesterday. At least I had one more hour than she does to feel better.

Happy Spring Forward! Although it was SOOOO hot today in LA--it's more like Summer Forward!

Cheers!

Schnappy Hour

Schnapps.

Why do people drink Schnapps?

Last night I met up with Zach & Tiff at the Cat & Fiddle while we waited for Karen to finish up her day. By the time I got there, they were pretty much wasted, but Tiff's a trooper as always and helped me catch up!

Of course, by the time Karkar showed up, all plans to go see 300 were gone--and so were we. Poor Karen had to take us all home and I was unconscious by midnight.

In fact, I am about to be unconscious again. But now tonight is movie night!

Pinot 911

Last night, Karen and I wanted to go eat, and The Cheesecake factory was PACKED, so we wandered around the Grove a bit, waiting for a table to open up. I got some pretty cool stuff at PacSun while Karen wandered a bit...but we were STARVED, so we just went and ate at The Farm instead. Not too bad, but the Factory rules all over there, so it was no comparison, really.

I had a glass of wine with dinner and then we met up with Zack & Tiff to see the Reno 911 movie. That shit was FUNNY!

Usually TV shows can't make the jump onto the big screen, but this one did it SO easily, i hope they make a sequel! Afterwards, Tiff was doing a KILLER Clementine impression! "Legalize it!!" LOL!!!

This weekend: you'd better brush up on your Borat, Tiff, cuz we're watching the DVD at our place! LOL!

According to Gin

Karen came by last night for our regular TV Night. Dwayne & Wayne joined us with some leftover pizza and they watched GLopez and According to Jim last night, they only lasted one episode out of the two Jims, though, as they had plans to go out. Karen thought it'd be fun for us to join them, but the idea of being around a crowd of people with my awful sunburn made me cringe. Plus, I had to get to work early this morning for a conference call, so I took it easy last night, just having one gin & tonic. Oh well--maybe next week, guys!

I'm feeling much better today, that's for sure, even though I'm blistering a bit. I'm hoping to be better by the weekend so I can get back to LIVING!!!

Calowine Lotion

Last night, Dwayne came by to laugh at my bright red, now-peeling skin. As my skin was flaking off, he went and got some of his roommate's Calomine lotion. That stuff reminds me of being a kid at home. I remember one time I fell asleep by the pool when I was like 10 or 11 and I came into the house and half of me--from my face down to my toes--were totally burnt. My mom had some leftover calomine from when my little brother had the chicken pox and she put it on me. I think it stung like hell, but eventually helped.

So anyway, he brought over Wayne's bottle and I put it all over. My neck is the worst...I think my skin is actually crunchy!!! lol! Anyway, we went back to their place and I ordered a pizza to thank them for their kindness. They provided a bottle of wine and the entertainment: One solid hour America's Funniest Home Videos. (It was their choice, not mine!!!) I will admit, it was nice to see people in more pain than me! lol!

Today, I'm feeling a bit better even though there are bits of my skin all over my desk.

Burning Man

Jeeze, I think my sunburn is getting worse. Everything hurts. I could barely even sit in my car yesterday because the seats were so warm!

Karen tried to take care of me last night, but it wasn't really working. She made me an oatmeal bath, because she swore that it would make me feel better. It smelled really gross and I dind't really want to get in. So I had a beer and sat down in the oatmeal. It didn't really do anything other than get me sticky...then i had to take a shower afterwards, and the drops of water felt like bullets! OUCH!!! My mom used to use solarcane, but Karen says they haven't made that stuff in years.

Today, my clothes hurt. I'm looking forward to peeling already!

Venice-sun

After watching UCLA get crushed on Saturday (SO lame!) me, Karen, Zack & Tiff headed to Venice to chill with our bud Seth. Dude puts on the BEST parties! We lounged on the beach for a while then headed to his place for some BBQ and volleyball. (Zack & Tiff--you guys killed us worse than UCLA got killed! LO!L)

Anyway, Seth made the usual burgers and dogs, but also had some fresh venison. It was SOOO good. I haven't had it this good since the last time i was home in Iowa! I was so full by the time he brought it out, though, so I didn't have too much.

We also sucked down some Coronas and tried to watch the moon eclipse--but nothing seemed to happen to it. Then we got distracted by Tiff rapping about our day. LOL! I swear, that girl should be doing stand-up!

Sunday, I woke up bright red. I guess I spent a little too much time in the sun yesterday. I felt like shit, but me and Karen took a drive to Santa Barbara to see her family. We had a nice quiet dinner, with a glass of wine each and then trekked back down the coast as the sun was setting. I definitely don't want to be in this office today! I look like a lobster! I should have called out sick! I am never drinking in the sun again!

See ya later, ALE-agator!

Yesterday was Gary from accountings last day--lucky stiff! A few of us from the office went to Houston's to eat and reminisce. That guy was really fun to have around the office, and he will be sorely missed. We all had a couple of beers and it was pretty fun to just see everyone outside of the office, having a good time. Man, those accounting guys are crazy! You wouldn't believe what happens in their offices! Some of those stories! lol!

Afterwards, I was going to meet up with Zack and Tiff but it was pretty late and I've been exhausted all week--so I just sacked out at home. (Sorry guys! But we'll have a TON of fun tonight, RIGHT?!)

Wine-ese

What a long, grueling day at work yesterday. Lots of employees marching in and out of my office. How's a guy supposed to goof off? LOL! Just kidding. I love my job! But yesterday was a looooong day. The only thing that got me through it was my date with Karen!

I picked her up and took her to PF Changs for some delicious Chinese food. It's one of my favorite places in LA. The waitress recommended a great bottle of wine for us to share, but Karen kind of has a cold from her trip, so she didn't drink that much. I nearly finished the bottle up, but stopped when I realized I had to drive.

Kar & I wandered around the Beverly Center where I swear we saw David Spade at the Auntie Anne's pretzel place, but Karen thinks I'm crazy! I've been in LA for a few years now, but I still get a kick out of seeing stars acting just like us! And even though I love authentic Chinese Food, I knew I'd be hungry an hour later! So I grabbed a pretzel to help me to sober up before I took the wheel. LOL!

After dropping Karen off, I realized that pretzels and Kung Pao Chicken isn't the best combo, so I took some Rolaids's (that's how I spell RELIEVE!) and finally fell asleep watching Sports Center.

Boy am I tired today!

TGIF!!! Can't wait for the weekend! YEAH!

Miller Time!

Last night was kind of an early one for me. Karen called me yesterday afternoon and cancelled our dinner plans. I was kind of bummed...but she's still jet-lagged from Detroit. And we had such a late night with DANE COOK (I still can't believe we got to see him! And I still can't believe Zack didn't kill Tiff for yakking in his new car! LOL!! Tiff, I swear you're too much!)

Anyway, Karen just wanted to zone out in front of the tube at her place. So I called her during George Lopez (hilarious) and we watched a bit together, but she seemed like she was dozing off so I let her go. I had an MGD while I watched that and According to Jim. (That show is so clever! He's just as funny as his brother!) and then I kind of just fell asleep pretty early.

But I woke up feeling great--got a TON of sleep and thank goodness, too! It's review day for a lot of the employees here, so I've got a shitload of paperwork to deal with. I swear! My work is NEVEr done! Man, I could use another few beers right about now! You know??

Tonight, Karen and I are going to hang out, grab some food and get some much-needed "us-time." Can't wait to see her!!

Dane Cooked--and we ate it UP!!!

Holy cow, last night was incredible! Me and Karen bought dinner for Zack & Tiff at Greenblatt's deli right next door to where DANE COOK was about to perform at the Laugh Factory! Tiff should open for him instead of whoever that little guy is. Tiff had us rolling during dinner--she was making her baked potato talk! LOL! I swear, she's so twisted!!! I wasn't even sure I had any laughter left in me--until Dane came to the stage!

He is SO funny! I was worried that he wasn't going to live up to all the hype, but MAN does he bring a HUGE energy to the show! It's overpowering, and mark my words: people will compare seeing him to seeing like the Beatles or Elvis (not the Thai one!) He is a true performer!!!

I had two jack & cokes--then had one more as part of Karen's two drink min. because she's a lightweight! Hahha! Dane did this whole routine about how in your group of friends, you always hate "The Karen!" THEN he said that in his group, they all hate THE BRIAN! Hahhahah!!!! I really thought we were all going to pass out from laughing so hard!

It was also on one of his CDs and you can hear it here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HfhoP1wI0Qg&feature=RecentlyWatched&page=1&t=t&f=b


lol!

SUFI!!!!!!

Kar-port!

Last night, I picked up "KarKar" (As Tiff calls her) at LAX and I was going to take her to dinner, but after waiting an hour for her bags, we decided to just get some McDonald's and head to her place because she was so wiped out. So we just opened a bottle of port and munched on our #2s (Hold the pickels, please!) and watched Two & a Half Men.

Actually...I watched it and she fell asleep sitting on the sofa. So I finished my glass of port (and her fries) and went to sleep in her bed. She was a little annoyed this morning that I didn't wake her up, but she just looked so peaceful there, my poor KareBear! At least I took the fries off of her lap! (Delicious.)

Anyway, I told her she needed her rest because tonight--in just a few short hours--Dane Fucking Cook is at the Laugh Factory! I am SO PUMPED for this!!

Mondazed

Wow...what a loooong weekend it was. Too many drinks and not enough Karen!

She's on a flight right now from Detroit, and I can't freaking wait to pick her up! I was going to surprise her by making her dinner at her place, but her roommate Debbie thinks I'll burn the place down. Hahahha...she's probably right! Oh well--i'll just take her out tonight to someplace quiet. And Warm! She's been in the winter for the past week. That SUXX!

But tomorrow night is going to be a REAL surprise for her because Zack just called to tell me that Tiff scored us some tix to see DANE FUCKING COOK at the Laugh Factory! Holy shit, that guy is SO GREAT! I can NOT wait. He puts on such a great show--he kills me! (Don't worry Tiff--I still think you're funnier! haha..NOT!)

It's gonna be NUTS!

Just a few more hours left till Karen comes home!

Cheers!

Oscar Buzzed!

Just got back from Dawyne & waynes' oscar party. I didn't win the pool, but had fun anyway. Their friends are totally cool, and brought all kinds of food to the party! Like OSCAR the Grouch cupcakes! Really creative stuff! I drank a lot this weekend, so I didn't want to do too much more damage to my liver, so I just did a shot of the Goldshlager someone brought. They did shots every time a gold statue was handed out, but I just did one! By the way: When Will Farrell came out, couldn't you just die? And then JACK BLACK joined him! It was AWESOME! Those guys are always so funny!!!

This weekend was crazed---Friday night Tiff & Zack took me out dancing in Hollywood...then last night, we went to the Good Luck bar. Tiff is TROUBLE...I'm serious, zack, you'd better watch out for her! LOL! You should hear the way she talks to people! hahah! Man, i don't know how she does it!

We met a bunch of awesome people there, and Tiff made me drink SO much, I almost hurled. They dropped me off really late last night and I barely even made it to the bed.

Karens back tomorrow, thank God! I pick her up right after work and i can't wait to see my doll!!!!

math

2 days and 8 drinks and a zack and a tiff minus a karen = drunk brian!!!!!!!!!!

Blue Suede Foods

Last night, I was telling Dwayne about how much I miss Karen, so he offered to check me out of the "Heartbreak Hotel" and take me to the Palms restaurant. Wayne joined us later just as the legendary Thai Elvis took the stage! I never get tired of watching that guy! He's by far the best Elvis since Elvis! LOL!

I was totally going to order #69, but maybe I'll save that for Karen. I can't wait to "Love Her Tender" ;)

Seriously, though, I ordered Beef and Broccoli and a bottle of their Thai Beer. I never had it before... and I won't again. It tasted a little bit like feet with soy and curry. It was probably brewed in the Jailhouse--but it certainly did not Rock! I only got about half way through my glass before I ordered a Thai Iced Tea to wash the taste out of my mouth. The combo was almost lethal and I got a Hunka-Hunka Heartburn afterwards! I could barely finish my food...but I did finish my one beer for the night, so all is still well.

TGIF!

George Mope-ez

Last night, I finished off the two cans of Busch Beer that were left over from the BBQ the other day at D&W's. I got bummed out while watching George Lopez because me and Karen just LOOOVE watching it together. I was hoping we could watch it while talking on the phone, but I totally forgot about the time difference in Detroit. She callled me as I was leaving work to tell me she was watching it and missing me.

She must have known how disappointed I was that we weren't hanging out, because she e-mailed me this today:

Hey Boo!

This made me think of you! Is this what it's like at your office??

See you in a few days!

Smooches!


LOL! Isn't she great? I tried that this morning, but it didn't work. Oh well...there's always tomorrow!

Cheers!

PARTY GRAS!

DAAAANG! So much for goin home after waork. Zack convinced me to go to Dimples for Fat Tuesday. Zack's a madman with the mic, so I agreed to go for one drink. I do NOT sing...but Zack brought teh HOUSE DOWWWWN with his rendition of MONY MONY! (HEY! MFer! GET LAID, GET FUCKED, RIIIGHT??) Seriously though, he should be as inger for sure!

While he was up there, this crazy dude with a viking hat got Tiff to flash him for some beads!!!! HAHAHA!! I swear tou never know what she's gonna do next!! Don't be mad, Zack broski!! It's marty gras!!!!

But the best part of the night (Beside's Tiff's "Bead-bags!") was Zack after his song. He stopped the applause for a moment of silence for Katrina. Man, it was a great moment.

We came back to Zack & Tiff's afterwards to chill, because i caouldn't drive yet.... But I'm cool now! FUck yeah!!!!

RIP Katrinas ...we will never 4get!

Presidents Sway Weekend!

Yesterday was so cool... Me and Wayne & Dwayne just chilled by the pool, getting some sun and BBQing. Zack and Tiff stopped by for a bit, but by the time they showed up, we were all hammered. I passed out around 10 on Wayne & Dwayne's sofa....then craweld up to my place around 2. I'm surprised i'm able to function at work today!

Tonight I plan on an early night. One beer and then sweet dreams, mama!

Cheers!

President Busch!

What a lazy day off. I just dropped off Karen at LAX for her trip to Detroit, where the high is only going to be about 35 while she's there! Judging by the weight of her luggage, she's got enough clothes to live through the winter there, but she's only gone for a week.

Dwayne & Wayne were planning on BBQing today, but when I got up, it was raining. But as I dropped off Karen at LAX, the sun came out and the skies cleared. Gotta love LA, right?? So, the guys are firing up their grill and I'm going to pick up some Hot Dogs and Burger--and some cans of Busch Beer to celebrate the Holiday!

OH--I almost forgot! Yesterday Karen and I had brunch, where we both indulged in some Mimosas. That's seven days in a row of drinking!

Cheers!

Booze Line Is It Anyway?

Wow! What a weekend!

Tiff found this crazy improv show on Friday night. GAWD those guys are hilarious. It was at the Improv Olympics and it's more like the LAUGH Olympics! Tiff was as funny (if not funnier) than anyone on the stage--they used her title suggestion to make up a whole broadway show about Trader Joe's soup! GOLD MEDAL!

They do it every friday night...and the best part is, there's a bar right there in the place, so Tiff & I were able to knock some rum & cokes back before and after the show. Karen and Zack were the DD's, lucky them!

Later, we went back to Zack & Tiff's place and watched Zack's APOCOLYPTO Academy Screener, because Karen & I haven't seen it. Actually, I still haven't seen it because i totally fell asleep during the movie. Zack was SO mad! He kept waking me up, telling me how awesome it was! But all that READING! It was SO late! Call me when those Improv Olympic guys make a musical out of it!

Last night, Karen and I hung out at my place. She's going out of town tomorrow for five days for work :( so we needed some quality time together. No big deal--Dinner at our favorite sushi place (and some Sake course!) and then we checked out Music & Lyrics, so it was like a weekend of singing.

I got a headache from either the movie or the sake...but either way, I didn't have fun.

Now, it's time for an early dinner (Late brunch?) with Karen before she has to go home and pack for detroit.

Two and Half Beers

Last night was pretty low key. My neighbors Dwayne & Wayne came over and we ordered pizza & hot wings. We caught up with some Tivo (Two & Half Men = AWESOME!!) and Wayne brought over a CHEERS DVD, too, just to get us in the Drinking Mood, I guess. (Damn, Diane was hot, right???) Of course, we had to drink a couple of MGDs to get the full CHEERS effect! NORM!

Tonight, Karen and I are going out with Zack and Tiff. Tiff's got us tickets to some comedy show. Should be wild! Tiff's a comedy show all by herself! hahah!

Cheers, folks!

A Dozen (Stinking) Roses for Valentine's Day!

Last night wound up being a great time, despite a rocky start. I picked up Karen (first thought: DAMN, she's hot!) and drove to The Stinking Rose for a nice, quiet dinner. Our reservations were for 8:30, but we didn't actually get seated till 9:15. I was miffed, but she was totally cool about it. She stopped me from causing a scene by giving me my gift--a framed photo of the two of us from the day we met at Zack's famous Labor Day BBQ.

Once we sat down, we ordered some Merlot and our dinner. She had the salmon and I just HAD to order the "Silence of the Lamb Shank" because it actually came with a Chianti glaze & fava beans! HAHA!

At home, we both realized that spending Valentine's Day drenched in garlic wasn't the smartest idea--I still reek of it much to the dismay of my co-workers--but at least I know neither of us are Vampires! lol!

Valentine's Day (or Pouring my Heart Out. . .)

Happy Valentine's!

I slept my hangover from hell off yesterday, thankfully, and am back at work--though a bit tired. (Slept too much yesterday, so couldn't sleep last night.) Catching up at the office...didn't miss too much. Looking forward to seeing Karen tonight for Valentine's day. I think she was mad that I got so wasted the other night--but come on! You only turn 30 once, right?

Either way, she's over it--I already got a call thanking me for the flowers I sent. (Shut up, Zack....I'm NOT a pussy!!!!) She's psyched for dinner tonight--but it's a surprise! :)

(Hang)Over The Hill

Ohmygod.... Last night was out of control. I had a blast, but am definitely paying for it this morning. When I woke up, the clock said it was 66::000. Even though I was clearly still drunk, I realized that it probably wasn't sixty-six thousand o'clock, and left a voicemail for my boss calling out sick.

Ugh. Why the fuck can't i get an egg mcmuffin at 1PM? If I can figure out where my shoe is, I'm going to In N Out. They'll pray for me.

Or maybe i'll just go back to bed.

Lucky for me, I drank my fourth and fifth (I think) margaritas after midnight, so I'm going to take it easy tonight--so my quota's already filled.

I hate my friends.

Dirty Thirty

What was I thinking?? Friends took me to El Coyote tonight for some drinks that are strong enough to kill the bugs in the food. . .

Well, i'm not going to be drinking this much evry night, but just one wine a night.

One day down...like a billion to og!

Happy Birthday To Me!

So it's my 30th birthday. And I'm making a blog.

Over the weekend, my friends and I got to talking, and somehow we decided I should drink every night during my 30's.

Not being one to back down from a friendly wager, I've taken the challenge and will chronicle my progress here. My girlfriend thinks it's a dumb idea...but I kinda think it'll be romantic to curl up with her after dinner with a glass of merlot. . . Besides...a little wine every day is supposed to be good for you, right?

Oh well...ten years is a long time, folks, so I'd better get started! Going out tonight with some buds for a few birthday cocktails. . . Let's see how it goes. Bottoms Up!